I had a thought today. Though I’ve been reluctant to use this as a sort of personal blog, there are many things that cross my mind that might be interesting to a readership that loves the arts, like myself. And after all, aren’t articles shaped thoughts? It’s all in the presentation. This first piece is very personal, so much so in fact that it touches on what I consider my greatest flaw – a very vulnerable place for me. There are many reasons why today is the day that I begin writing here. Most of all it is driven by regret, which is why I have to write it out. 

It is strange that some everyday acts appear so filled with courage to me. Just saying hi to someone or smiling at a person you find attractive, or even just asking for help when you need it. Why is it that such simple acts seem so difficult to me? And is it just to me that they seem so difficult? Or is this normal? Am I a coward in some way? I’ve asked myself such questions so many times, never finding an answer, though I do think myself a coward in that way, but that is not the point. The answer is not psychological or even a thought besides being a notation of absence. That is to say, the real answer is an act. And here is the crux, I fear these acts because I don’t practice them frequently enough or even consider their meaning. That is my hypothesis.

Today I went into a coffee shop, bought a coffee, and sat down only to realise I had to use the restroom. I was alone. I looked around, thinking I would ask someone to watch my stuff. This included my laptop. Instead of doing this I grabbed all my stuff, computer in its bag, two other bags with clothes and books (yes I have become a bagman), and my coffee, and went to use the restroom. That’s when it struck me. The power of asking for help. How humbling and encouraging that act is. It requires trust. It requires a connection with someone. And it gives both parties something, assuming that things go well. Your belief in the good of other people increases, and the other person feels better for being trusted by a stranger. 

It also made me think of someone that trusted me, and whose confidence I betrayed. And looking back through memory into my past I noticed a pattern of betrayal on my part for years and years against many people I held and still hold very dear. And before that I could see betrayal committed against me for years and years. So now I wonder how I can break this cycle of pain? You could say I have begun already by seeing it, and making a choice, but in practical terms it will mean that I need to watch my everyday behaviour very closely, and think more about my acts than my emotions.   

In terms of Art, it sparked this curiosity in me for interactive art, more specifically art that makes people engage with other people. How do I change the way I act every day so that it influences me positively? Perhaps it is time for me to conduct some social experiments as art and report my findings on this page or in the magazine. And maybe you can help too? If you have any ideas please send me an email to receptaclemag@gmail.com 

Alex Rodallec
Ed. in Chief 

22 February Permalink